


Thinkin' On It

by Raven (Temaris)



Category: The Magnificent Seven (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Old West, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-19
Updated: 2010-06-19
Packaged: 2017-10-10 04:47:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/95646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Temaris/pseuds/Raven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes the sun doesn't shine so bright.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thinkin' On It

**Author's Note:**

> First posted August 21, 2003 on [Journalfen](http://www.journalfen.net/users/raven/14023.html)

I've been thinking and thinking on it, and what I don't see is how the hell I let it happen.

I mean, he's kinda small, and mouthy, and so green you'd mistake him for grass if he ever sat still long enough. He wears the stupidest hat ever -- not wide enough to keep the sun out his eyes, heavy enough that he sweats into it the whole damn time and it makes his hair -- let's not think about that. Long lank strands dangling in rattails over his ears and face.

He's fast. I'll give him that. And he knows how to ride. Plain truth is, me and the boys, we use horses to get from a to b. JD though, he rides that damn thing of his like a damn Indian. Ain't never seen nothing like it outside of racing. Now there's a thought. He's only a little guy, maybe--

Nah. He'd've told us about it by now.

He's always chattering on about something. And smiling. An' laughing. His eyes twinkle with pure mischief sometimes, and I-- . Damn.

Now you see, that just ain't right. Ain't s'pposed to think of the kid and twitch like that. Twitchin's meant for the ladies, y'hear?

He cleaned up pretty nice last week. Course, he was going over to Miz Nettie's, so he was fixing himself up for Miss Casey. Y'see. That's the way it's s'posed t'be. JD cleans himself up for Miss Casey, and you watch the girls in the bar.

Not you watching him. I mean, I ain't saying I never saw a good looking man. Hell, just need a mirror f'that. And I ain't saying I ain't never 'ppreciated a good looking man. Riding with Chris Larabee'll do that to ya. Not to mention riding with *Sarah* Larabee. Now, there was a lady. Gave Chris hell, and never took a moment's crap off him. Suited each other perfect. Used to wind him up sump'in rotten when she'd eye up some cowpoke walking up to the ranch. Usedta tease him too.

But JD. Kid's too young. City ages a boy, but not that much. He claims he ain't a kid, well, maybe he is, and maybe he ain't, but he's still grass green.

And sweet.

Lights up at a kind word.

Don't think he got many of them before. Probably cos he's too busy trying to kill himself, or everyone around him with some new start or other.

I knew I was gettin' to be fond of him. You get to be my age, you get to know what's happenin' to yourself. Watching him, check. Asking after him, check. Worriting and pacin' and fidgeting till Chris is about fit to shoot me, check. So, yeah, thought he'd grown on me, I'd just about adopted him, my little brother. Done all a that for Chris in my time. And Sarah. And one or two others, god rest 'em.

But *in* love. Ain't never done that before. Not without it was a lady. Didn't see it comin'. When I chased him half over town yelling about that damn hat, or punched him, or wrassled, well, I figured we was just playing about. Was like being a kid again.

Give me this happy feelin'. Right here.

Touchin' him. Holdin' him.

Saw him down the water hole when he din't know I was looking. He'd stripped clear out his clothes. I thought 'bout teachin' him the folly of that, but was jist watching. Just for a while till I was sure.

Dunno what I was waiting to be sure of. Well, hell, maybe I do.

Watching that white body under the water. The dark hair echoed at his thighs and pits. He got some soap and scrubbed his hair. Wisht he'd cut it some. Maybe I'll have a word. Get him to take some pride in himself. Muscled nicely. Well, couldn't ride like he does without. Slender. More than he looks with that awful thick suit wrapped over him. Be interesting to put him in some of Ez's suits. Those high waists and fancy cuts would show his legs off.

Turn his face right and he looks like an angel.

Once you've cut the damn stubble off that is. Don't know why the boy bothers. Just looks like dirt, not man's growth.

Don't know why I fell like I did. Just did. Figured long ago there weren't no reasoning with people's hearts, so I don't know why I was so surprised at myself. Usually got better sense than to fall for the ones I *can't* have though.

Ones who are too married, or too young, or too innocent. Too good for me. Ma would pitch a fit if she heard me.

"Good enough for any of those stuck up folk with their fancy clothes and fancy manners." That's what she allus said.

Panicks me something awful when he ain't around. Feels like I'm missing something. An arm, or a leg. Something that hurts and keeps me off balance. Missing a heart. Wonder if Miz Travis would put a note in that paper of hers. Missing, one heart. Last seen in the vicinity of Mr. JD Dunne.

Chris thinks he's figured it out. Dunno. Maybe he has. That little grin in his eyes says 'I know you Buck Wilmington, and you're just plain dumb enough to do it, ain't ya?'

Thing is, little town like this, it could work out right. See, most folks wouldn't see it even if I did bed him. Too blamed innocent. Folks sharing six to a bed ain't got no business thinking about sharing a little more than blankets, 'cepting they're married to each other of course. So curling up for warmth, or bundlin', or baching it, couple of fellas, me and the boy. They ain't going to pay it no mind, as long as we ain't stupid about it.

Now, Vin an' Chris, they're going to get themselves tarred an' feathered someday. Ain't nobody's not wondered about that pair. Eyeing each other like newly weds. Don't think they've done nothin' 'bout it neither, but that won't butter no parsnips if the town starts talkin'. Ain't my place to tell Chris. And Vin don't even know he's doin' it. Poor dumb kid thinks that's what friendship is like. And I ain't the one straightening him out.

JD's off worshipping at Miss Casey's little feet again. If you can call racing and baiting each other worshipping. But it is. I see 'em, one time, standing lookin' at each other, and there ain't nothing in the world but her eyes adoring him, and his, loving her right back.

Think it's the real thing there too, which is just too bad for ol' Buck.

Usedta have a thought of maybe settling. Bet the government for some land, and build a place. Usedta think once that I'd like to spend my old age watching him grow old with me. Lay down those guns. Become a member of the community or some such nonsense. Do what Ma swore blind I'd never, and see the other side of forty.

But he'll grow old with Casey, and that's right and proper.

Me, I guess I wasn't built for settlin'. Guess I won't be laying down those guns neither.

Ma always was right about me.


End file.
